Some amazing things have happened since I dedicated my energy to supporting parents of teens and tweens!  It's like the floodgates were released and the ideas keep flowing.  The key was turned and the door to connecting was opened.  My voice is so clear right now and I can feel the energy radiate through me.  I trust that I am connecting with the "right" people and putting out there exactly what I am meant to put out there in exactly the right time.  I feel more confident than I have in months and now I have a vision of my career.

I see myself speaking in front of hundreds of parents and administrators.  I'm sharing my story and inspiring them to accept themselves and their teens.  I am connecting, shining, and collaborating with others.  I am the spark that I need to be.

It feels amazing to let go of trying to control it.  I see how the attempt to control stunted my growth.  And how long things took to come forth.  It's just such a valuable lesson to know that if something is taking too long to unfold in front of me, then I am probably pulling it out of me and that maybe there is an easier, better way.

I am so grateful for these lessons and even more appreciative of my calling.

I'm here to help parents of teens and tweens.

I invite you to learn more about my message at:

http://parenteen.blogspot.com/

To be human is to...

feel
try, mess up, try again
succeed
sing
dance
love
walk
sleep
rest
bathe
think
touch
be compassionate
understand
smile
wink
play
laugh
die
birth
grow
learn
connect

Earlier this week I was on a call where another coach was talking about being in your most resourceful state.  It got me thinking about it.

I mean, what exactly does it mean to be in your most resourceful state?

Maybe it is having an abundance of the resources we need....inner resources like energy, understanding, and patience.

Then it got me thinkging about what do people need to do for themselves to be in their most resourceful state?

Pretty interesting stuff that most people don't think about.  But, then again, most people usually complain about not having enough of these inner resources!

Something to think about...

In looking back at this past summer, I see how it was a time of intense soul searching.  In the midst of it all, it felt like confusion and misery!  But, truly it was another level of self-discovery and learning.  Now I see clearly how my mission in life is to accept my humanity at deeper and deeper levels.  This is what allows me to grow, to connect, and to answer my calling to support other parents.

Damn....it's so hard to say that my life calling is to support parents!  Not because I'm not passionate about it, but because I'm afraid of it.  You see, a calling isn't exactly my choice!  I'm not the one calling the shots.  It's like doing things at the deepest level just clicks and things fall into place.  But, it's also the scariest because my mind isn't in control.  Oy!  Part of me wants to be in control so badly!

It is this delicate balance of choosing the best path for myself while aligning it with things I don't understand.

I don't even feel like I'm making sense anymore!  It would be so easy to just erase all of this and start over or let it go completely.  But, how would that honor my life mission of embracing my humanity?!

So I am simply going to conclude now with the message that it's okay to know something whole-heartedly and not know how to make it happen all at the same time.

It's simply human.

I'm simply human.

Wait a minute...allow me to reframe...

I'm beautifully human!

As the weather gets colder and the leaves begin to change it reminds me how the teen years are a time of constant transformation.  The brain is developing, the body is changing, and emotions run wild.  As a parent, this presents quite a challenge because there is a need to change with your teen while still maintaining a constant factor that your teen can rely on staying the same. 

**Parent Challenge**
One of the most powerful ways to learn how to change with your teen is to simply ask your son or daughter, "How can I support you?"  This allows for a constant (being supportive) and also includes your teen in figuring out the variable (how to support best).  At first, your teen might respond with an "I don't know!"  That's okay because most likely they won't know...at first.  Continue to check in with them letting them know that you care about their opinion and the ideas will begin to come up.  It's also helpful to look back on past situations and ask, "What do you think would have supported you best?"

p.s. Not a parent? This approach works wonders in marriages too!

Teens are excellent at verbalizing difficult, uncomfortable, and hurtful truths!  When this happens it is extremely easy and understandable to react in anger, defensiveness, and disrepect.  One of the most powerful ways to respond is to give yourself some time and space to process the emotion and the message.  Often times, parents fall into the "I have to resolve this with my teen right now" trap.  The truth is, you will be much better equipped to deal with it  later after you have dealt with it on your own.

**Parent Challenge**
Any time you feel heightened emotion come up, take a deep, cleansing breath, and excuse yourself.  Speak to what is true for you without blaming your teen.  You can say something like, "I'm upset right now and I need some time to calm down.  Please excuse me."  The beauty in this challenge is not only are you taking the time to honor yourself, but you are modeling excellent behavior for your teen!  Wouldn't you appreciate it if your teen treated you this way?!

This is my mom and me in Morro Bay, California taken this past weekend.  It was so nice to go on a mother/daughter trip for no other reason than a desire to spend time together.  We have always cared deeply for one another; we haven't always known how to relate and connect.  In fact, I used to blame her for all the anger I felt about my life.  Over the past couple of years I have invested time, money, and energy into healing myself and our relationship.  It hasn't been easy or "pretty".  Actually, it has been pretty darn terrifying at times!  But, it has always been worth it.  And my mom has shown incredible strength, love, and commitment by consistently being willing to listen and share her thoughts, perspective, and feelings. 

Sometimes sons and daughters can hold incredibly high and unrealistic expectations of their moms.  The truth is moms are human too.

Someone has to be willing to break the unhealthy family patterns.  Someone has to have the courage to step out of it, see it for what it truly is, and then speak up.

But, why does it have to be me?!

Even as I type this I am afraid of exposing the family's dirty laundry. 

And I'm angry.

Which by the way, is a good thing.

You see, anger is one of the strongest emotional messages we can receive and it takes a strong message to break the family pattern.  The pattern has been ingrained in everyone's way of thinking, being, and acting.  In fact, people have developed "complimentary" patterns that feed off of one another. 

The truth is...people in my extended family treat each other badly.  People have feelings, aren't sure about how to process them, so they stuff them, and then every so often reach a boiling point and blow up.   By the time, they blow up they feel so justified in doing so because they have gone quiet for so long.

The thing is...there is a difference between how you feel and how you treat someone.  You can feel absolutely however you feel.  There is no right or wrong in the feelings department. But, your feelings don't give you license to treat people poorly.

The bottom line is...when people ignore their own feelings they aren't going to go out of their way to pay attention to yours.  Another way of looking at it is...when people don't nurture their own feelings, they aren't going to be sensitive to yours.

My commitment is...

• to speak up when I'm treated badly
• to let go of judging my family members
• to embrace them where they are at
• to continue to nurture my own feelings so that I can have the space, energy, and willingness to follow through with speaking up
  

Whew....this is a lot of work!  But, it's worth it.  My family is worth it.

I am worth it.

No one can say or feel anything that will make my grandma look bad.

This is one of my family's unspoken rules.  I think everyone in my family (including Grandma) has been hurt or is hurting because of it. 

I've gotta run for now.  Until next time...

One of the biggest things that has caused me to stockpile my own feelings is the fear that I might embarrass or cross someone else in my family.  For example, I used to feel like I couldn't have a relationship with my father because my mom would feel betrayed. 

Furthermore, we learn through our family experience at a very young and impressionable age which feelings are okay and which ones aren't.  And it's never the same.  Sometimes you can feel this, but only if that happened.  Or if you're a boy, then you can like sex.

It's totally confusing!

And completely unfair.

Because the truth is we are all human.  We feel stuff.  Pretty stuff.  Ugly stuff.  Uncomfortable stuff.  Sexy stuff.

It's there whether we like it or not.

And I'm tired of old family patterns, beliefs, and fears stopping me from clearing out some of my own boxes.

Sometimes I'm afraid to process it because it feels like my family is in the room with me watching me open the forbidden box.

But, they aren't.

The only person in my room of stockpiled stuff is me.  And the only person who can sort it all out is me.

So if you'll excuse me now I have some work to do...